7 ways to help with Emotional Fatigue
We are all going through various amounts of stress
If you’re a human living on this beautiful planet of ours in the past few years you would have experienced a fair bit of craziness. I’m talking about the obvious; Covid, lockdowns, isolation, restrictions, separation from family and friends, businesses forced to close, social distancing, protesters in the streets. If you live in Australia you can add all of the effects of intense drought, devastating fire, and ravaging floods. On a personal level many of us can also then add events that tend to happen in life like losing a loved one, divorce, job changes, being a care giver, moving house, financial strain, personal illness or injury.
Even managing a household and raising children on an everyday basis can be stressful as you try to keep your family on track, navigating issues as they arise and staying healthy and whole for your little ones who look up to you.
So many personal, local and world events have been thrown at us relentlessly in the past few years. And it has been exhausting. One thing after another without much space between to catch our breath. Some people are stronger than others, some have lots of support around them, some people are more resilient than others, some can ask for help and some can maintain a positive mindset and push through.
Either way, it has been a lot of weight to carry. When stressful events build up over time even the strongest people can get to the point where they feel like they’re becoming overwhelmed. It is so important to remember that it is ok, not to be ok. Not being ok on occasion or for a short while is normal and common, we just tend not to talk about it or share it as freely as our achievements or the positive events in our lives. So you’re not likely to hear about it.
When we are constantly worn down
When we are constantly worn down by big things, it can get to the point where even just the little things can snap us in two. We feel like we are constantly out of control and constantly trying to fix things. Our anxiety levels are high and we are left wondering what will go wrong next. Stress begins to accumulate without being processed and we can feel completely exhausted and drained. We can feel like we are a leaf being tossed about in a wild wind without any control over where we will be thrown next.
I have been feeling like this in recent months. I was quite unwell in 2019 and was in for major surgery within weeks. Another prolonged illness in 2021 ending in surgery during lockdown the day before NSW hospitals were due to close to anything but emergencies. I had to close my business twice for 8-9 weeks at a time to comply with public health orders, I was helping to look after elderly parents, and I also lost someone very close to me that I loved and cared for 6 months ago. I was feeling tired but all the sleep, water and healthy food in the world wouldn’t help.
Blood tests showed my body was healthy, which could only mean my mind was responsible for the fatigue. Was I doing too much? Need to rest more? I had already tried this and it didn’t prove any good for me. Resting on the lounge reading a book or watching a movie didn’t provide anymore than a very short term relief.
I felt a sort of detachment almost, like I was just floating through life, just drifting through my days in a haze. Sometimes I would feel a bit numb, like I was too exhausted to feel any more emotions. I couldn’t feel the happiness I should have or normally would have felt from certain positive events. If someone asked me what I had been up to, I wouldn’t be able to recall what I did on the weekend.
I was a little more anxious, nervous almost, easily tearful with a lack of motivation. Physically, I had muscle tension, I was clenching my jaw in my sleep and would wake up with neck pain, jaw pain and headaches. Which only compounded everything else on my plate. My back would lock up and as much as I was tired and wanted to sleep, it would hurt to lay in bed too long.
I really hated feeling this way
Around this point I started to figure out what was going on. I am always a really happy, balanced, positive person. I still was on a superficial level. I could smile and say I was fine, but I knew this was not the case deep down inside. I would still make my way through each day caring for and lifting any person I came across. People would ask me how I was and I would just say “I’m good!” mainly because I had a limited understanding of what was going on myself. I knew I couldn’t let this keep happening. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
I did what we shouldn’t do (don’t shoot me, I am only human), and checked in to see what Google thought. Thyroid problems and chronic fatigue first came up, though I had already been to my doctor and my body was healthy.
A bit more scrolling revealed more great advice; eat well, get a good nights sleep, exercise 30 minutes each day. All good points, but things I was doing already and as someone who has running conversations in their head all day every day (I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life), thinks about everything, feels everything, and questions everything in order to achieve a deeper sense of understanding, this advice for me whilst effective, wasn’t enough. I needed more.
What I needed was to find a way to make peace with stress and release my worry about things that were out of my control. More stressful events were to come in future years no doubt – that’s just life. What I needed was to stop my brain from releasing stress hormones which was contributing to my mental exhaustion and emotional fatigue. Or get my brain to release more of the happier hormones to offer a balance. Being in this cycle makes it really difficult to overcome emotional fatigue.
So first I looked at my triggers
What was in my day that made me feel panicky or down?
The news just happened to be on the tv in the background at the time. So what did we have today? Here were the headlines; Woman dies after falling into fire, baby doused in petrol during alleged domestic assault, serial hoon mowed down spectator, local producers struggle amid rising costs, power crisis, interest rate rise, fuel prices set to rise again, the number of flu cases this Winter are going to be extreme, new Covid variant, another mass shooting in the U.S. The daily news it seems is now a horror show and a major contributor to my daily stress. Ok new rule, no TV between 5 pm and 7pm.
On a daily basis the only other thing I noticed was that I seemed to be micro managing things on a personal level. I have 2 amazing kids, 2 businesses, 20 acres and a wonderful Husband who works long hours. I run a tight ship. I have to otherwise we are living in a mess, are feeling the cold and the fridge is empty. Looking after a family and household is something most of us do, but I soon realised it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I didn’t have the fire started, brought enough wood in the house and the chickens locked away safely from the foxes before it got dark outside. Everything wouldn’t fall over if I didn’t reply to that email the same day, if I replied to that text the next day, or if one of the fences were down and the cows got out. In the grand scheme of things those things are minor.
Maybe micro managing the family and the farm was an attempt to gain control of something, or anything in this rapidly out of control world? We naturally want to be in control of something in our lives.
I knew of a few things that I needed to stop, but still needed to put some thought into what to start. Little things that would produce happy hormones to combat the bad ones. Focusing on the little things is part of The Humble Hunter philosophy, this was right up my alley.
I always eat well, and drink lots of water. I walk over 20 kilometres each week, and am usually in bed by 9-10pm. Below are a few of the things that I started doing consistently that collectively really helped me. I aimed to do these most days and now they’re a part of my everyday life. Neuroplasticity is a really cool thing, but that is another article for later.
Let life flow through you
Life is always happening, whether you’re participating or sitting on the sidelines, life is always and continually happening. Aiming to learn to understand what is in your control and what isn’t, is a life skill. While learning to live with and grow through certain amounts of stress, and making stress your friend is healthy (that is also a whole other article) you simply don’t have to take it all on board.
You do have a choice of what you allow to enter your psyche. World events while tragic, are completely out of your control and it’s only human to acknowledge them, but we don’t have to hold onto them. Let them go. Let those events come in, wish them well and let them out. Let life flow through you.
Resisting the flow of life brings stress, resisting the flow means you are holding on or pushing back, which means you’re fighting against it. Let life flow through, breathe it in, then breath it out and release it. The stress of world events are not yours to carry, or to keep. Surrender to life, it’s an easier cruise when you ride with the tide rather than against it.
Release retained negativity and stress from your body
Now that I know that I do hold stress in my body, this is one of my favourite things to do. I think this would fall into the category of self care (which has become a bit of a buzz term), but diving deeper into the concept, actively and intentionally releasing stress from your body offers a lot of relief and feels very therapeutic. I have a few things that I do, I stretch, loosening my muscles so the stress can be free to leave. Full body massages are wonderful too. Or try taking a deep breath in imagining you’re sucking all stress from your body into your lungs, and then blowing it all out from your lungs with a long, deep, complete exhale helps to give you a visual of releasing the stress from your body. Sometimes I will combine a stretch with deep breathing.
I love a shower imagining all of the stress being washed away and leaving me a clean slate free of any negative baggage. I am naturally attracted to water, a lot of us are, I feel it may be for this reason. A bath, a swim, even walking through a shallow river is amazing. Then drinking 2-3 litres of water a day of water washes the stress from the inside out.
Mostly I like to immerse myself in nature. You will often find me out walking on the grass barefoot, connecting myself to the earth and sending all stress and negativity back to be grounded. Walking on the beach on the shoreline has a magnified effect where I can access grounding my feet and washing the stress away in the waves both at the same time. Walking through nature or even sitting in nature I notice the little things. The tiny details and all of the individual elements that make up a flower or a plant.
Considering all that it took for that wild flower to grow where it has. All of the risk it took to bloom for us hoping for the chance to be seen, not having a proper garden bed with no guarantee of good soil or regular rainfall. It makes me feel grateful to be in its presence. Nature is art, totally free and readily available for us all just waiting to be noticed. Nature will give you its stillness if you are open to receiving it.
Distractions
Where are you? There can be depression in yesterday and anxiety in tomorrow. Looking back or looking forward can be stressful and we miss out on living in the moment we are currently living in. In moments of stressful overwhelm it helps to recognise this downturn quickly and attempt to retrieve yourself before you go too far. There are suggestions of focusing on your breathing, counting to ten, finding an object to focus on.
Different things work for different people in different situations, though when you’re in that anxious state the intention is to slow you down in order to bring you back to the present moment so you can think clearly. When you’re moving so fast it can be hard going from one extreme of a potential panic attack, to the next extreme of complete calm. It’s a challenge going from fast to slow, quickly. I have found a transition helps.
Doing something physical can help, I know touching each finger in order of index to pinky and back, to your thumb a few times works. A friend does it fast then she slows it down naturally as it can get tricky repeating the pattern more than a few times. She swears by it.
Personally I list where I am. For example; I am standing here on the grass, I am outdoors, I am on my farm, I am in Camden, I am in Sydney, I am in NSW, I am in Australia, I am in the Southern Hemisphere, I am on the planet Earth, I am in the solar system, I am in the arms of the Milky Way, I am in the Universe. This pulls me out of myself and brings me perspective, this reminds me of how small I am, this reminds me that I am part of something magical. This reminds me that there is so much more greatness out there to be explored. This allows me time to retrieve my mind in order to think clearly and rationally and then find a way around the problem confronting me.
Dolce Far Niente
This phrase is Italian and this basically means sweet – do – nothing. The sweetness of doing nothing. It’s an Italian concept and a way of life. Sitting with a macchiato doing nothing, but enjoying it. Finding pleasure in just watching life go by. It’s a way of thinking that has us fixed on the moment that we are in and enjoying it. Start with 5 or 10 minutes of ‘dolce far niente’ and see how you go. Sit at a street side cafe drinking a coffee and watch life pass you by. Focus on giving yourself permission to enjoy exactly what you are doing. This slows our breathing and heart rate and gives us respite from life. We also get to enjoy the wonderful little treasures of life as we go.
Tell that voice in your head to shut up
I have read a few books by Michael A. Singer (The Untethered Soul and The Surrender Experiment) and also Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth). Well worth a read. One notable concept shared is acknowledging that the voice inside your head isn’t you, that voice in not who you are. You are the one listening to that voice in your head, you are the listener, the observer. You are the one acknowledging that voice or thoughts, and learning to be more aware of that concept is quite challenging but well worth it. This means you have control over the conversation and thoughts that run through your mind. You can create for silence, you can reply to a negative thought with a good one, everything has a flip side. Learning to control that voice in your head, and the thoughts that run is such a valuable asset to have.
Live and breathe gratitude
A concept that has been touched on before, some say it doesn’t work but it works for me and is something I just do naturally now without even thinking about it at all. Every morning I walk outside whether I am greeted with a beautiful sunrise, or rain or a bitter frost. I say “What a beautiful day! Such a beautiful day!” Whether I am heading to the dentist or taking a cup of tea to go sit underneath the old Oak and enjoy ‘dolce far niente’, it is always such a beautiful day.
It goes on though if I actively think about it. I am grateful for my shoes, my home, my car, clean water and easy access to it. Grateful for the ones I get to share my life and my home with. Grateful for fresh air, for the sunlight, for nutritious food. Grateful for being able to walk, for my health, to feel safe.
When we express gratitude our brain releases Dopamine which is our brains pleasure chemical. Dopamine lights up the brains reward pathways and makes us feel good. Gratitude can help achieve and maintain a positive mindset and once you start doing it, it’s an easy way to get those feel good chemicals flowing.
Free your mind
The world can be a tragic nightmare but one thing we absolutely can do is to be what we want to see in this world. If you want to see peace and kindness – be that. Exude that. Live and breathe peace and kindness with every cell in your body. If you wish to see equality – be that. Free your mind from any cage it is bound by, we can choose thoughts and feelings as we wish. It may sound like a cliche but we can be the light that we long to see. Start at home.
When it comes to our dreams we can tend to feel anxious, like we’re running out of time. We want it all and we want it now. Take a deep breath, lean into your dreams, work towards your goals but trust the flow of timing and fall back into the arms of life, knowing that what you need will come to you. Another concept of the book, The Surrender Experiment.
Free your mind of any finite expectations and timelines. Impatience, chasing and hoping for outcomes only creates pressure which in turn creates anxiety and possible feelings of failure. It can be hard I know, to relinquish control over your life, but as long as you’re facing the right way, you are heading in the right direction and you will be met with what you need. Trust your instincts. Maybe there is something better for you out there.
Did I just add to your never ending to do list?
Implementation of steps to achieve a goal is the key. We often read lots of tips on achieving goals of wellness and emotional fitness but we get busy, overwhelmed and it’s just more work to do. We’re tired and flat already, why do we need more items on our to do list?
How do you make a few of these small things a part of your day? Habit stacking. If you’re looking for another great book, read Atomic Habits by James Clear. There are already heaps of things we do in our day. Daily things like having a shower or brushing our teeth. Habit stacking is an awesome technique that really works for me. I’m flat out most days and I don’t have time for much more and often can’t remember any extra things I need to do. Since feeling emotional fatigue I have made sure to prioritise a few more things for myself of course, but I love habit stacking now that I have started it and the sense of achievement from getting a few extra things done of real benefit is immense.
I have stacked gratitude practice on to my morning coffee. I have stacked stretching to my walk, and breathing stress out of my body to my daily shower. I have trained my mind to let life flow through me by releasing any negative events that are not mine to carry as I hear them so when I acknowledge another mass shooting in the U.S., I stack releasing that energy onto receiving it. So I no longer hold onto it. When something doesn’t go as expected, I used to get annoyed as I saw it as a disruption to the plans I had set, now I stack gratitude and allowing the flow of life onto my expectation not being met.
Implementing the first few was easy as I knew when I would have my coffee, I knew when I was going for a walk. I practised watching the news and letting world events flow through me. I took a while to implement the last point though when things didn’t go to plan, as it was dependent on an event with an unpredictable timeline. It is starting to come naturally to me now though.
These are a few of the things that have helped me with life lately and my emotional fatigue. Try them on and see if they fit you. You may even come up with a much better variation of one of the concepts.
Please note, I am not a trained medical health care professional, a psychologist or a counsellor… I am just an ordinary, everyday human living life the best I can. And this is what I have learned so far.
Please be sure to talk to a medical health care professional if you feel you need assistance, or call Lifeline on 131 500. There are trained professional available to help at any time we need, now that is another thing to be grateful for.
Thank you so much for being here,
The Humble Hunter x
Lifeline is an organisation readily available to help anyone who is in need of extra support click through https://www.lifeline.org.au/